7 Habits for Families

Although the seven habits may sound familiar (they were first introduced in Covey’s bestseller, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, 1989), they are reapplied to the sphere of life that makes the most impact in society – the family.

• Habit 1: Be Proactive – To be proactive is “to act based on principles and values rather than reacting based on emotion or circumstance.” This habit focuses on the fact that we can all become agents of change. It first requires taking stock of our unique human gifts, which allow us to exercise our innate freedom to choose, based on principles and values. Next, we determine and distinguish our circle of concern and our circle of influence. My favorite take-away from this chapter is about building an emotional bank account with your children and loved ones by apologizing, being loyal, making and keeping promises, and practicing acts of forgiveness.

• Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind – Following from the cultivation of the first habit is the building of a family mission statement in which principles such as forgiveness, compassion, and charity take precedence, “ahead of each other, and ahead of our family.” Wow! This is a strong statement. Covey goes on to explain that this one principle has “given a sense of appropriate priority to everything else.” Of course, determining what these guiding family principles are doesn’t happen overnight. Covey explains how their family principles were drafted, re-worked, and re-written numerous times over the years with the input of all members of the family. The step by step guide to writing a family mission statement may be the most valuable part of this book.

• Habit 3: Put First Things First – This may be one of the most difficult habits to wrestle with: putting family first in all things. Covey tackles the thorny questions of work-life balance, day care, full-time working mothers, etc. with tact and truth. He says, “the place to start is not that work is non-negotiable; it’s with the assumption that family is non-negotiable.” Hitting home the fact that no one else can raise your children as you can, the parent, Covey adds an effective tip: weekly family time (another ear-marked page in my book). It’s a time to plan, to teach, to solve problems, and to have fun. Covey also emphasizes one-on-one time with your spouse and each member of your family as part of the relationship-building that comes with putting first things first.

• Habit 4: Think “Win-Win” – The next three habits are explained by Covey as the root, the route, and the fruit. By seeking ‘win-win’ arrangements, habit four emphasizes the mutual benefit when both people are satisfied. This nurturing attitude, when cultivated consistently, is the root from which the next habits grow.

• Habit 5: Seek First to Understand…Then to Be Understood – Following from above, this habit is the way, the route, or method for deep interaction. This habit allows us to step out of our own paradigm and embrace – with understanding and empathy – the heart and head of the other person.

• Habit 6: Synergize – Finally, synergizing is the fruit of the efforts made above. The third-way alternatives to my way or your way make for the best way forward. Through practicing this habit, compromise becomes a way of daily living and loving.

• Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw – In the last chapter, Covey emphasizes the need for every family to renew itself in the four key areas of life: physical, social, mental, and spiritual. The importance of traditions is emphasized here as the secret to maintaining the healthy embodiment of these key areas of life.

Every chapter contains numerous real-life examples of how these habits work and the results produced. What makes this book particularly effective is the helpful list of ideas at the end of each chapter/habit to that makes sharing the ideas and concepts with teens and children easy and enjoyable. Covey obviously has practiced what he preaches and knows what that entail

In a world saturated with self-help guides and fleeting trends, Stephen Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families" stands as a timeless beacon, a guide that deserves a place of honor beside the most cherished texts on any parent's bedside table. In our contemporary society, where efficiency and measurable outcomes often overshadow the nuances of human connection, Covey masterfully translates his renowned principles into the language of family, a sphere where these concepts are often overlooked.

Covey's approach is refreshingly practical. He doesn't merely present abstract theories; he provides actionable steps, beginning with the profound challenge of crafting a family mission statement. This isn't just a corporate exercise applied to the home; it's a transformative process that encourages families to define their core values and aspirations together, starting as early as newlyweds. As a father of nine, Covey speaks from a place of deep personal experience, advocating for the preservation of the family unit amidst a turbulent sea of societal and cultural shifts. He offers a vision of hope, a blueprint for building a beautiful family culture that withstands the pressures of the modern world.

The foundation of Covey's approach lies in his reapplication of the 7 Habits, originally introduced in his bestseller, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People." These habits, when applied to the family context, become powerful tools for fostering connection, understanding, and growth.

• Habit 1: Be Proactive empowers families to move beyond reactive responses and embrace a principle-centered approach. It emphasizes the power of choice, the ability to act based on values rather than emotions. Covey introduces the concept of an "emotional bank account," highlighting the importance of building trust and connection through acts of kindness, forgiveness, and loyalty.

• Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind guides families in creating a shared vision through a family mission statement. This process, far from being a one-time event, is an ongoing dialogue, a collaborative effort to define the family's core values and priorities. Covey's detailed guide to crafting this mission statement is a valuable resource for any family seeking to create a strong foundation.

• Habit 3: Put First Things First addresses the challenging issue of work-life balance, urging parents to prioritize family above all else. Covey offers practical advice, such as scheduling weekly family time and one-on-one time with each family member, to strengthen relationships and create meaningful connections.

• Habit 4: Think "Win-Win" introduces the concept of mutual benefit, encouraging families to seek solutions that satisfy everyone involved. This habit serves as the root from which the subsequent habits grow, fostering a culture of collaboration and respect.

• Habit 5: Seek First to Understand…Then to Be Understood emphasizes the importance of empathy and active listening. It encourages family members to step outside their own perspectives and truly understand the feelings and viewpoints of others.

• Habit 6: Synergize builds upon the previous habits, encouraging families to find "third-way" solutions that are greater than the sum of their individual parts. This habit fosters creativity and collaboration, enabling families to overcome challenges and achieve shared goals.

• Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw stresses the importance of continuous renewal in four key areas: physical, social, mental, and spiritual. Covey highlights the role of family traditions in maintaining balance and well-being.

Throughout the book, Covey provides numerous real-life examples and practical tips, making the concepts accessible and relatable. The inclusion of "idea lists" at the end of each chapter makes it easy for parents to share these principles with their children.

"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families" is a roadmap for building a strong and loving family. The positive impact of these principles extends to entire extended families and friends. Envision a future where our family culture is defined by love, understanding, and shared values, a culture that touches not only our lives but the lives of generations to come.